Improving The English Language

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the
EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a
feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English
spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example:
cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is
clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of
course, be administered by a committee staff at top
level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would
suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly,
sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news
with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only
would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal
workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less
letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond
year, it was announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would
henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like
'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more
komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would
enkourage the removal of double leters whish have
always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's
in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop
them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing
had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins
the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps
sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze
funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is,
after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary
'o' kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar
arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli
hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer
vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find
it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the
Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum tru.